Helping Students With Mental Health Issues

The Center for Parent/ Youth Understanding posted this article recently about youth pastors feeling ill-equipped to help youth with mental health issues. You can read that article here.

http://medicalxpress.com/news/2014-11-youth-pastors-ill-equipped-youths-mental.html

While we live in a culture that loves to brag about the cast on our leg, and is unashamed to share that we were up all night puking because of the flu, when it comes to mental health issues we are much quieter about the issues.

The article ended with a challenge for mental health professionals to reach out to youth pastors, but there are many things youth pastors and youth directors can do to fill equipped to help students with mental health issues. Being a youth director who is working on a marriage and family therapy degree, here are some tips to feel more prepared in engaging with mental health issues with your students.

What are Mental Health Issues?

Many times when we say mental health we automatically think extremes such as suicide attempts, or psychotic behavior. We need to remember that issues such as depression and anxiety (which many of our students struggle with and varying levels of intensity) are prominent mental health issues in our culture. Other topics such as eating disorders and anger issues are also mental health issues common in adolescents. There is a wide variety of mental health issues. But there are some general tips that could apply to many mental health issues that students are struggling with.

Talk about it

Even when feeling ill equipped, you can still talk about these subjects with your group. By talking about it, it opens the doors for easier conversations later. Many students need to know they are not the only ones who struggle with a certain issue. By talking about it first, sometimes you can get help to a student before they become even worse later on.

Listen

Part of why many people feel ill-equipped in discussing mental health issues is they don’t know what to say. They feel they should give advice and direction but don’t know what that is. What is more important than advice is just listening. Ask them honest questions about why they are feeling the way they are, how long the issue has been going on, what they think the causes are, etc. Many times students need a listening ear before they can begin to hear advice. They need to know they are still loved and accepted. Encourage them to know they are not the only ones struggling with this issue.  Many times just by sharing and having someone listen to them, there is a small level of healing already. From there, ask how you can help support them and help them on a path to healing. Sometimes they may already have an answer. If they don’t have an answer, be honest and tell them you don’t either, but you’re committed to walking alongside them. That is a huge encouragement right there.

Involve Parents

While I want students to know that they can confide in me and that I am trustworthy, sometimes I have to break that confidentiality. If any mental health issue is brought up where they are harming themselves, they are harming someone else, or someone is harming them, confidentiality needs to be breached. When students talk about such issues, I tell them that I want to help them, but I can’t keep this to myself and we need to get other help involved. If its issues of abuse call Child Protective Services, they are great people to walk you through the steps you need to take.

With other issues such as self-harm, I strongly encourage to make sure parents are informed. I tell the student first so they know that that conversation is coming. In my experience they initially fight it and never want their parents to know. I discuss why they don’t want their parents to know. Many times it is because of embarrassment. By easing their fears they tend to accept (sometimes still reluctantly) that we should tell their parents. Many times I encourage that the conversation comes from the student and I together in talking with their parents so plans can be made with the student of how everyone can partner together in support. Many times this helps make family bonds tighter because students realize they can open up to their parents more than they thought.

Partner with Professionals

There are many books and resources out there that are very informative. But one of my biggest recommendations is to find some professionals that are willing to partner with you. I have a couple therapists that I know I can call when I have a dilemma with a student that I don’t know how to handle. They can help give great coaching and guidance in how to work with that student specifically. Many therapists are willing to be a resource in situations like this for free. This is also great networking for them because they can receive referrals through you when a family or a student needs more counseling than you can give.  And how great is it for you to refer students to someone you know and trust will care for you student at the same level you do!

I also have partnered with therapists to come to parent meetings to talk about mental health issues with parents. This helps resource parents and equips parents to address mental health issues as well. Some therapists are willing to do it for free; others would appreciate a small stipend. But trust me- its money well spent.

Don’t know any therapists that you know and trust? Psychologytoday.com lets you find therapists in your area. You can even filter the results to look for therapists who are Christian and who specialize with adolescents. Call or email some of them on the list in your area and see if they would be willing to partner with you and be a resource for you. I have both a male counselor and female counselor because I know sometimes students would feel more comfortable talking with someone of the same gender.

By taking these steps, you can begin to feel more equipped to work with students with mental health issues.

Seasons of Slowing Down

Another school year is upon us and many of us are in full swing. I know many of us are through our fall kickoffs and entering into the holiday season. Fall and holidays are a busy season all around as students are still getting into the groove of classes and teachers, and parents are trying to keep some sort of order to the chaos that is the “family schedule.” Many of us as youth pastors and directors are busy as well with new students, new leaders, and new changes to our ministry and preparing for awesome holiday events it’s a very exciting and busy time. While a lot of great things come from this season- it can also lead to some bad habits too. For many of us youth pastors, this season can end up setting the tone for the rest of the school year.

Almost all youth pastors I talk to work over there designated hours. If they are part-time they work more than they are actually paid for. If they are full time, they still work over. There will be seasons that we do need to pour more hours in. The problem becomes is that becomes our weekly habit.

This is a lesson I know many of us have heard many times. Doug Fields wrote a book “What Matters Most: when NO is better than YES.”* Kara Powell gave a similar reminder at the National Youth Workers Convention in Sacramento. But while we hear this reminder many times, many of us still say “Yes” to ministry and “No” to rest and balance.

I like the boldness of Mike Breen and Steve Cockram in “Building a Discipling Culture”** when they say,

“ The true sign of godliness- imitating God- is to pattern our lives after him. And for God, rest is vitally important. As a matter of fact, rest from our activities is listed in God’s Top Ten. The commandment to keep the Sabbath is right up there with “don’t kill”, “don’t steal,
 and “don’t commit adultery.” In other words, being a workaholic is, to God, just as bad as being a murderer or adulterer. Rest is not an option if we are to walk in the lifestyle of a disciple.”

Pretty bold to put workaholics in the same level as murder huh? In a culture of workaholics, especially in the church, Breen and Cockram give us a reminder that we are called to be counter cultural even in our patterns of work and rest. As we see our students and families get more and more busy, what if we give them an example of rest that they can follow? Again, there will be seasons where life will be busy- we can’t escape from that (especially in ministry), but how can you make sure that that a busy season doesn’t suddenly become the norm? How can you schedule in intentional times to rest?

We all rest differently too. For some rest may be going out and playing your favorite hobby or sport, or catching up with friends. Others- rest may be actually sleeping, or reading a non-ministry book. For others maybe it’s a date night or family night out. Rest may look different for each of us- but it’s important to start building that into our schedules.

It may be hard to say “no” to ministry opportunities and “yes” to rest, but it gets easier as you do it. There have been times where I have tried to meet with students, parents or leaders and they want to meet on my day off. I share with them that it’s my day off- can we meet on another day? And they always seem to respect that (even middle schoolers get it!). So where and how often are you taking time to rest?

Breen and Cockran offer a good tip in evaluating you daily, weekly, monthly, and seasonal habits of rest.  Some of us may be good at taking a day off in the week, but we don’t have any sense of daily rest. Others of us need to make sure we start carving in monthly or yearly down time and not just crashing at the end of a busy season. Whatever it may be for you, start taking steps and putting in time of rest now before another season comes and goes and you still haven’t rested.

*Fields, D. (2009). What Matters Most: When NO is Better than YES. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan/ Youth Specialties.

** Breen, M., & Cockram, S. (211). Building a Discipling Culture (2nd ed.). Pawleys Island, SC: 3 Dimension Ministries.

Chosen vs Needed

We all know youth ministry has its pendulum swings of being extremely rewarding and extremely difficult. There is a phrase that God has shared with me many times throughout my years of ministry that I realize should probably be my personal motto for ministry. He constant reminds me over and over that “He doesn’t need me, but He chooses to use me.” He uses this truth on both ends of the youth ministry spectrum to remind me of different truths I need to hear.

He doesn’t need me. 

As youth ministers we are in a privileged position to be able to walk beside so many students and encourage them in their life and their faith.  I certainly feel the responsibility of trying to encourage students in my ministry to take the next step in faith. Sometimes this gives me a big head of feeling like I am the one to bring these students to Jesus. I feel it is my responsibility to “save them.” And that is where God gives me that humble reminder that He doesn’t need me to do His work. He reminds me that I am not the savior to these students- He is.  As I am reminded of this truth- my pride is deflated and I am put back in my place. At the same time I have a sigh of relief remembering that God is in charge and He will lead these students where He needs them to go to experience His love. For some, that may mean I get to be a part of that faith journey and see amazing strides, for others, that means I need to trust in God’s plan and their faith formation will happen elsewhere, or at a different life stage.

God reminds me many times that He doesn’t need me for anything. He is fully God and capable of anything He desires. I am reminded of the passage in Job where he responds to Job and his friends in Chapters 38-41 about their power compared to His. God asks “who gives orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place” (Job 38:12) which reminds me if God can take care of all things in the universe, he certainly can take care of my students. With that, I lift my students back to the Lord, trusting he will take care of them, and I have a sigh of relief remembering the pressure is not on me.

He chooses to use me. 

                On the flip side, God reminds me that even though He doesn’t need me, He still chooses to use me. Even in the midst of getting my pride deflated, He reminds me He still wants to use me. In the times of the pendulum swing where youth ministry is really hard, He reminds me He chose me in the midst of the hard times. When I get discouraged, He reminds me He chose me specifically to build into these students even if I don’t see results yet. He chose me specifically to love and encourage them. He chose me to share who Jesus is and encourage them in their faith. John 15:16 states, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last…” Despite not needing me- He still chooses to use me.

I think this is a reminder for all of us as we have different days in ministry. The reminder God chose each of us to serve in youth ministry. What an awesome and overwhelming privilege! At the same time- we are not the savior of youth in our midst- because He doesn’t need us. He can accomplish what He needs to without us.